Index
1. Society’s Structure to Instill Comparison and Competition: The Competitive Principle Begins with Education
Today’s society is designed to put people in a state of comparison and competition from an early age. This has permeated the educational system and the evaluation system in the workplace, leading us to unconsciously accept the value that it is natural to compare ourselves with others. This competitive principle begins in the educational setting, where we are praised for getting good grades and rewarded for being at the top of our class, and is replaced after we enter society by evaluation criteria such as “those who earn more are superior” and “those in higher positions are more successful.
In education, numerical evaluations such as test scores and deviation scores are always attached to children, which instills a strong sense of competition in them. For example, from elementary school, children repeatedly compare their own performance with that of others and feel a sense of superiority or inferiority, leading them to believe that winning in competition is the only way to prove their worth. These values become more and more deeply ingrained during the process of growing up, and when they enter society, their job performance, income, and even the “way they see” their lifestyle become the object of comparison.
In school and society, superior performance and success are emphasized, while failure and being less than others are treated as “bad”. Growing up with this value system, people constantly compare themselves to others and feel it is natural to continually strive to win in competition. However, this unconscious competition has the danger of greatly eroding self-esteem and self-esteem. Even if they feel they are “winning” continuously, their victories are short-lived, and they fall into an endless loop of always being exposed to the next competition.
This competitive structure is no different in the workplace. Because promotions and raises are determined by evaluation systems and performance, comparisons with colleagues are constantly made. In this environment, people are expected to be “better” by comparing themselves to others, resulting in long work hours and excessive stress. Excessive competition for evaluation can lead to the breakdown of teamwork, distortion of self-esteem, and even burnout and mental health problems.
Furthermore, this culture of comparison and competition is also ingrained in the values of society as a whole, influencing media, advertising, and even political propaganda. People are imprinted with the idea that they must be like those who are successful and that it is important to be better than others, which in turn influences their consumption behavior and lifestyle. For example, whenever they are shown a lifestyle that is considered “winning” on TV or the Internet, they subconsciously compare it to their own lives and feel that they are lacking.
Thus, the first step to get out of the “misery of comparison” is to recognize that the very structure of education and society itself inculcates comparison and competition, leading people to a state of unfulfillment.
2. The SNS Trap: Unconscious Comparison with Others Leads to Mental Anxiety
The proliferation of social networking sites has made it much easier for us to see the lives of others than ever before; platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter are filled with the successes and joyful routines of others. However, many of these posts are only a “part of what they want to show” and do not reflect the whole picture of reality. Nonetheless, we unconsciously compare them to our own lives and feel inferior and insecure.
On social networking sites, we are constantly bombarded with “perfect moments” of friends, acquaintances, and even celebrities and influencers whom we do not know at all. Whenever we see someone else’s success, glamorous life, or how loved they are, we can be tormented by feelings that we are not good enough or that our lives are boring. In particular, it is easy to forget that others’ posts are intentionally edited and manipulated. Filtered photos and posts that highlight only success stories have a strong influence on our minds, even though they are only a small part of our real lives.
In addition, social networking algorithms are designed to prioritize content of interest to users, so that we repeatedly see posts by people who are “more successful” than we are. For example, people who love to travel will see pictures of luxurious destinations, and people who are interested in fashion will constantly see posts of fashionable outfits, creating the illusion that the people around them are leading “ideal lives.
The danger of this “social networking comparison” is that it causes mental stress and anxiety without even realizing it. Whenever we see the success of others, we tend to feel as if we are failing at something or as if our own lives are inferior. This leads to a lowered sense of self-esteem and a buildup of feelings of unfulfillment. Furthermore, comparisons on social networking sites can be highly addictive and can drive people to unreasonable behavior in which they seek positive responses (“likes” and comments) and try to make themselves appear the same way.
Social networking comparisons also contribute to a climate in which “making oneself look good” is valued; the repeated behavior of seeking special experiences or uploading overly edited photos for the sake of posting on social networking sites can make one feel as if the evaluations of others determine one’s self-worth. This leads to the pursuit of “external evaluations” that have nothing to do with one’s true nature, causing one to lose sight of one’s true self.
Furthermore, when comparing oneself with others on social networking sites becomes a habit, one’s own values and goals are easily influenced by those of others. Instead of what you really want, you will act under the external influence of “wanting to be as successful as others” or “wanting to be valued,” which will ultimately cause you to lose your “sense of self” and amplify your mental anxiety.
In the modern “invisible competition” of social networking, we tend to lose sight of the essence of our own lives. Recognizing this trap and consciously distancing ourselves from comparison is an important step toward regaining peace of mind.
3. The Unfulfilled Self: Self-Denial Caused by the Chain of Comparison
Continually comparing ourselves to others traps us in a cycle that constantly makes us feel that we are not good enough. Especially in today’s society, where the value of things is often expressed in numbers and rankings, we can only evaluate ourselves in terms of visible “results. For example, we have become accustomed to comparing ourselves with others in terms of income, job position, appearance, family environment, and many other factors, and counting up what we lack. This cycle of comparison constantly generates feelings of “more” and “not enough” and deepens the sense of self-denial.
The problem with comparison is that its standards constantly shift and are never met. For example, if one’s income increases, the next time one compares oneself with someone who makes more money, and one tries to improve even further. Similarly, when they achieve their ideal body shape, they start comparing themselves with “more beautiful people. In this way, the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction is only temporary, and new comparisons appear one after another, so that the goal is forever unattainable.
This chain of events leads to finding one’s value only in comparison with others, which eventually leads to a sense of self-denial. As the number of situations in which one feels that one’s growth and efforts are not appreciated increases, it becomes impossible to affirm oneself. For example, the pattern of thinking, “Why can’t I do what they are doing, while they are doing so well? This sense of self-denial contributes to low self-esteem and eventually leads to a loss of self-worth.
In addition, feelings of inferiority and anxiety caused by comparisons can create invisible walls between them and others, deepening their sense of isolation. When the feeling of “I am inferior to others” or “I will never be accepted as I am” becomes stronger, the person becomes stressed out about being involved with others and avoids relationships for fear of what others may think of him or her. Under these circumstances, communication with others decreases, increasing feelings of loneliness and alienation, which often has a serious negative impact on mental health.
The unfulfillment that results from the cycle of comparison eventually leads to the fundamental question, “What am I striving for? As we live our lives always based on others, we lose sight of what we really want to do and what makes us happy, and the void in our hearts widens. In order to fill this void, we are spurred to further compare ourselves with others, and in some cases, we engage in consumptive behavior and excessive effort. However, this does not solve the essential problem, but rather only leads to the accumulation of dissatisfaction.
In order to live one’s life in one’s own way without falling into self-denial, it is important to stop comparing oneself with others and focus on one’s own values and goals. Cultivating the ability to recognize and appreciate one’s own efforts and growth is the first step to breaking free from an unfulfilled self. Only by breaking the cycle of comparison will you be able to find “true happiness” in your life.
4. The Media and Advertising Trap: Modern Brainwashing That Continues to Fuel Desire
Modern media and advertisements continue to fuel our desires by presenting us with image after image of an ideal life and success. Advertisements we see everywhere on TV, in magazines, on the Internet, and on social networking sites repeatedly convey messages such as, “If you get this, you will be happy,” or “If you use this, you will have an advantage over others. Such information serves not only to imprint on our unconscious and induce consumer behavior, but also to further reinforce our sense of comparison and competition.
The media’s portrayal of successful people and the ideal lifestyles shown in advertisements are often far removed from reality and have been beautified through staging and editing. However, we are unaware of this and feel that “this is the way it should be” or “we need to get closer to this. For example, luxurious cars, expensive brand-name goods, and model-like style are portrayed as symbols of happiness, and we are made to feel that unless we have these things, we are “not good enough.
Advertisements are designed to stimulate a sense of “lack” and are cleverly designed to keep us dissatisfied with ourselves. The repeated messages of “more beautiful,” “more successful,” and “richer” constantly put comparisons in front of us and make us realize that we are not good enough. Such advertising techniques make us feel as if it is our choice, but in reality they succeed in controlling our behavior and using us as members of a consumer society.
Furthermore, the propagandistic element of the media cannot be overlooked. News, feature programs, and even reviews by influencers are sometimes presented in a way that is in line with the wishes of advertisers and sponsors. Through this, our perceptions and values are deliberately manipulated by the media to instill certain products and lifestyles as “normal” or “ideal. For example, certain brands frequently appear as symbols of success, leading us to feel that we are inferior if we do not own those brands.
This manipulation of information is a clever trick to exploit us subconsciously. The “ideal image” presented by advertisers and the media often forces unattainable standards on us, and our attempts to get closer to them lead to perpetual unfulfilled consumption. Because this structure functions as part of what keeps the economy running, it encourages society as a whole to move in a direction that fuels a sense of comparison and competition.
Furthermore, the influence of media and advertising is not limited to individual psychology, but also has a significant impact on the values of society as a whole. People are led to believe that “having” and “showing off” are valued in society, and vanity and vanity become the driving force behind their actions. As a result, people waste a lot of time and money in the pursuit of pretended success, and are distracted from a sense of spiritual fulfillment.
We need to be aware of these media and advertising traps and reevaluate our own values instead of being misled by them. Freeing ourselves from unconsciously manipulated comparisons and desires and finding what we truly value is an important step toward escaping the “misery of comparison.
5. How to Break the Chain of Comparison: To Find Self-Affirmation and Unique Values
To break free from the “misery of comparison,” we need to be aware of the unconscious habit of comparison and take concrete actions to break it. It is important to increase one’s sense of self-affirmation, reexamine one’s own sense of values, and cultivate an attitude of living by one’s own standards, not those of others. Let us consider how we can pursue our own sense of self without being swayed by social competition and comparisons with others.
First, in order to enhance self-esteem, it is important to recognize and appreciate your own small successes and efforts. In your daily life, try to focus on “what you have done” or “what you have accomplished” without comparing yourself with others. For example, it is important to find moments when you can be proud of yourself, such as small accomplishments at work, awareness and ingenuity in your daily life, and efforts to improve your hobbies and skills, and to be honestly happy about them. As these small self-approvals accumulate, you will gradually develop a sense of “I am OK with this.
Next, it is necessary to reexamine one’s own sense of values. In today’s society, it is easy to be influenced by outside information and the values of others and lose sight of what is truly important. Therefore, we need to take time to listen to our true feelings and reconfirm our own definitions of “happiness” and “success. By finding moments of joy in your daily life and things that you truly enjoy, you will be able to clarify what you truly seek without worrying about what others think.
It is also essential to look at our current situation and recognize how grateful we are to be alive, in order to break the cycle of comparison. In our daily lives, we tend to overlook the small everyday blessings that we take for granted, such as being healthy, having family and friends. We are so preoccupied with visible achievements and material success that we forget to appreciate the present moment. However, the fact that we have life, that we are able to spend our days, and that we have overcome difficulties is what is truly precious. By realizing the value of this “natural” thing, the need to compare ourselves with others will diminish, and we will be able to feel our own lives are more precious.
It is also important to rethink how we interact with information: by distancing ourselves from social networking sites and media and controlling how we receive information, we can reduce the situations in which we unconsciously compare ourselves to others. This can help reduce the mental burden. Cultivating a critical perspective and not just accepting information from the media is also an important skill to avoid being misled by outside values.
Creating new habits that do not compare oneself with others can also be effective. Hobbies, exercise, meditation, contact with nature, and other activities that allow you to spend more time immersed in them without worrying about what others think of you will help you achieve emotional stability. In particular, time spent focusing on what you love to do and what you are good at can be an opportunity to face your inner self, blocking out outside influences and helping you reconstruct your own sense of self-worth. Enjoying the ability to move forward at your own pace is the key to developing a natural way of life that does not compare yourself to others.
It is also helpful to get into the habit of reflecting on how much you have grown compared to your past self. By looking back at what you have been able to do and how you have overcome difficulties compared to your past self, you can focus on your own growth and not on others. The realization of self-growth will lead to a sense of self-fulfillment rather than competition with others.
To break free from the “misery of comparison,” it is important to consciously move away from unconscious comparison and have an attitude of gratitude toward oneself in the present moment. By looking at the “normal” things in our daily lives and acknowledging our individuality, we will be able to find our own unique happiness without being swayed by the standards of others. This change in mindset will bring about a true sense of fulfillment and satisfaction, and pave the way to liberation from “comparative unhappiness.